Is getting into private school in Manhattan really as grueling a process as everyone says it is? According to Emily Glickman, a well-known educational consultant and founder of AbacusGuide.com, yes. “Getting into schools comes down to who the parents know and how much money they have,” Glickman says bluntly. Although admissions decisions are comprised of many factors including the child’s ERB scores, nursery school history, interview performance, gender and temperament, a lot of it comes down to the parents. Looking for a balanced mix of family occupations, backgrounds, neighborhoods and economic levels, private school admissions directors mandate parent essays and interviews to assess a family’s compatibility with the school. With more applicants than ever flocking to the elite cadre of Manhattan schools – some even sneaking in from Westchester (gasp!) – schools quote an average 15-to-1 admissions rate. Some candidates even get shut out completely, as desperate mothers report on UrbanBaby.com message boards. So how can parents prepare? “Don’t seem arrogant,” Glickman advises. “Don’t have your secretary schedule your admissions interview. Don’t have your nanny bring your child on the school tour. Schools like down-to-earth parents who are hands-on about education.” Glickman suggests volunteering and getting involved early in your child’s nursery school. “Parents should show that they’re deeply invested in their child’s education and should consider carefully what they say and do.” Working mothers, fret not: schools have many ways for full-time moms to get involved, too. Glickman advises examining your volunteering history and beefing up any volunteer work you’ve done in the past in your admissions essays. Then, think strategically about who will write your reference letters. “The letters can be extremely effective if they come from a respected member of the school community.” Children of alumni and siblings are more of a “shoo-in,” but nothing is guaranteed. Parents can also help their kids be better applicants. Play games with your child that enhance the skills tested on the ERBs, Glickman says, as she does with her clients. Encourage your child to develop interests: if little Johnny likes swimming, get him swimming lessons and enroll him in a league. Make sure you apply to a range of schools, including some “safeties.” Above all, Glickman counsels, keep the admissions process low-key in front of your child. Don’t make a fuss. Make sure your child doesn’t feel the stress that you do. If Glickman’s tips have you feeling frantic about the process, don’t pop a Xanax just yet. Parents say it’s not really that bad. “I’ve been a New Yorker for twenty-five years, so I was prepared for the process even before I had children,” says Nancy Lieberman, author of the must-read novel, Admissions, a satire of the private school admissions process. “Emotionally, though, I wasn’t prepared. It always seemed like someone else’s problem, not mine. But in reality, it wasn’t so difficult; the anticipation was the worst part.” Lieberman admits that despite featuring a family in her novel that was forced to move to New Jersey after their daughter got rejected from every Manhattan school, she actually doesn’t know anyone who has gotten totally shut out, or forced out of the city. Her advice? Relax. “Find the humor in it. Read a book like Admissions that lets you laugh at the process. Trust your instincts and trust the system to be fair because ultimately it really is. Don’t listen to everything you hear. Rise above the rumor mill. Put your blinders on and see things for yourself.” Rebecca Weller Stetner, a downtown mom whose son was recently admitted to Dalton, adds, “Remember that it’s not about where you’re going to school, but where you child is going to school.” Stetner found it interesting to take a step back and assess what educational environment was really right for her son. “Keep an open mind,” Stetner says. “When we started the process, Dalton wasn’t even on our list.” She suggests researching the schools thoroughly and allocating enough time to attend all the school tours and interviews. But don’t drive yourself crazy. “Our nursery school director advised us to apply to ten schools. We were such planners that we started touring them a year ahead of time, which was a mistake. Every school takes a ton of time and research. In the end, we only applied to six and it all worked out fine.” “The hardest thing is that in Manhattan, there are so many choices,” agrees Loretta Daley, a West-Sider whose daughter transferred from public school to Calhoun in second grade. “You can’t help but wonder with so many approaches to education if you’re doing the right thing. There’s such a competitive edge that you have to look at what your neighbors are doing and ask yourself, ‘Is this school right?’” Daley suggests paying close attention to where your child seems most comfortable. “When we left our morning-long interview at Calhoun, my daughter couldn’t stop smiling. Do your research, of course: visit all the schools, meet with the heads of the schools, the other parents, the teachers, watch the students play. But trust your instincts; it’s so telling how a child responds to his or her environment.” HELPFUL RESOURCES Books  Manhattan Family Guide to Private Schools and Selective Public Schools
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